Courage
by Sandylee007
Summary: Kurt's thoughts and feelings in 'The First Time' that were never shown on screen. What ran through his head after the infamous car scene? 'Courage, right'       SLASH     Klaine ONESHOT        NO BLAINE BASHING, in case you fear such!


A/N: Hey there! This is my first 'Glee'-fic, so I'm a bit nervous here. (grins a bit and sweatdrops)

BEFORE YOU START READING… Let me assure you some things.

1, I really like Blaine – who couldn't adore a guy who makes Kurt so happy?

2, Klaine is my FAVORITE pairing in Glee.

3, I ADORE the scene in 'The First Time' with Kurt and Blaine in bed. Awww! (sighs)

4, I DO NOT believe that Blaine hurt Kurt intentionally in 'The First Time' – he was just being your average teenager who got a little… Ya know. (rolls eyes)

BUT, the car scene did startle me a bit. Plus, this is Kurt we're talking about. I can't imagine that some hurt wouldn't have sneaked under his skin to arouse fear. Before Blaine he's never faced someone loving him romantically – nor has he been actually in love. Losing that… I bet it scares him. With those thoughts this fic began to swell in my head until I had to let it out. (smirks sheepishly)

WARNINGS: SLASH, adult themes… (gawks) That's it? Man, I'm losing my touch!

DISCLAIMER: Own 'Glee'? Pft, I've got waaaay too few zeros on my bank account.

Awkay… I'm getting really antsy here, so I've gotta let this baby fly before I'll shoot it down. (gulps) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy this!

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><p><strong><em>Courage<em>**

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><p>Unlike most people probably assumed Kurt Hummel had never particularly liked the reflection he faced upon looking into a mirror. More clearly than any of his bullies he saw every flaw, all those tiny imperfections.<p>

And that night he hated what was looking back at him.

He'd been a coward. A stupid, childish coward who couldn't even handle it when his boyfriend wanted to be intimate.

("_Why are you yelling at me?_")

Kurt could only name less than five times when he'd been as terrified in his whole life as he was during those surreal moments. And now that damn fear had quite possibly cost him Blaine's love.

Blaine had told him he loved him. Loved him in a way no one had ever cared about him before, in that way he'd been missing for such a long time. And he loved Blaine, too, truly and honestly. He'd never cared about anyone the way he cared about his boyfriend.

So why did he push Blaine away that night? Why did he fight back instead of just…?

Before that thought could be finished a flash of Blaine's eyes when the boy pulled him forcefully into the car filled his entire head. Kurt swallowed and wrapped his arms tightly around himself, fearing that he might throw up. Tears filled his eyes without him even noticing it.

He got scared. Why couldn't Blaine understand that?

Well, obviously the drunken Blaine didn't. The boy he met tonight wasn't the one he'd fallen in love with. Or at least Kurt hoped so from the bottom of his heart.

Kurt jumped when there was a hesitant knock on the room's door. He stiffened slightly when his dad opened the door and took a step inside. "Hey." There was a questioning, somewhat worried look in Burt's eyes. "You came home pretty late tonight."

Kurt gulped and looked down, where his fingers were squirming in his lap. He shivered. "I'm sorry", he said quietly, hoping that his dad wasn't awake and alert enough to hear the almost bursting storm of tears. "I… guess I forgot the time."

Burt yawned loudly. "Just don't let it happen again or you'll be grounded, got that?"

Kurt nodded in response, hoping from the bottom of his heart that it'd be enough. Obviously it wasn't.

He felt his dad's eyes on him for a while before the man spoke. "Kurt… Are you okay? Did you and Blaine have a fight?"

At the moment the fight against tears was almost lost. Kurt's whole body shook and he could only hope it wasn't visible. He shook his head vehemently. "I just… I'm tired, okay?" All he wanted was to fall asleep and leave this all behind, to forget that tonight ever happened.

Burt sighed. "You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

Finally Kurt managed to look at his dad. He nodded earnestly this time. "Yeah, I know." He knew he could, anything else but this.

His dad nodded back, clearly not pleased with this outcome but knowing that he wasn't going to get anything more. "Goodnight, Kurt."

Kurt tried to smile but his facial muscles felt a little bit too tight. "'Night, dad."

Kurt had never needed a hug as badly in his entire life. All he got was the sound of a closing door.

Desperately trying to hold himself together Kurt forced himself to meet his reflection once more. His lips formed a tight line as his mind was made up.

He couldn't lose Blaine – he loved the other boy far too much. Tomorrow he'd stop being a coward. Tomorrow he'd apologize and give Blaine what the boy wanted. It was a small thing compared to what his boyfriend had done for him.

It couldn't be that big of a deal to give himself to the one he loved.

Courage, right?

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><p><strong><em>End.<em>**

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><p>AN: (winces) A bit sad, eh? But not unheard of amongst teens. (sighs) Well, at least we know that the final result of this looked quite romantic.

So… How was that – good, lukewarm, bad, trashworth? **PLEASE**, let me know! Like I said this is my first 'Glee'-fic, so it'd mean A LOT. (gives puppy's eyes)

Thank you so much for reading! Maybe I'll see ya around one day…?

Take care!


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